People enjoy watching videos of tasty meals that they can make at home, but often, the results are disappointing. Watching a skilled chef prepare amazing dishes and present a beautiful final product is enjoyable. However, when trying to make these dishes at home, they usually don’t turn out well and look very bad.
That’s when I said screw it. I’m skipping the hard work and dedication and going back to making quick meals for cheap.
I’m excited to share that I’ve planned out meals for the entire week within a $3 budget per meal! This is all for you—I won’t be indulging in any of these recipes myself. Enjoy… if you can?
Ramen Noodles with Fancy Sauce and Ham
Buy 3 packages of Ramen Noodles and a quarter pound of the cheapest ham you can afford. Then steal several butter packages from the nearest diner and a salt shaker. Cook the noodles. Then stir in the seasoning, salt, butter, and ham. Delicious if you have zero taste buds!
Pancakes with Crazy Sauce
Buy one package of cheap pancake mix and one energy drink. Steal a packet of syrup from the local diner. Cook the pancakes, then stir the syrup into the energy drink. Pour some on the pancakes and slowly sip the rest. It will taste like battery acid on a sponge, but that’s OK. You just ate for under $3 and you’re wide awake for the rest of the day.
Two things off any Dollar Menu
If you’re living large or on a hot date and you can afford to put gas in your car, then this is the meal for you. You can buy two things from any dollar menu and have enough money left over to cover taxes. If you take a stroll around the bushes near a fast food restaurant, you might discover a few cents lying around, helping you exceed your three-dollar budget. Gathering enough change to cover the taxes on three-dollar items can make you feel quite prosperous. Being financially savvy can impress the ladies, so be sure to hunt for coins before treating your date, even if she has just one tooth, to a drive-through meal.
6 lbs of Bananas
This magical phallic fruit is $0.49 cents per pound where I live. That’s amazing! With 2 pounds per dollar, multiplying by three dollars gives you 6 pounds of bananas for just three dollars! What a brilliant idea! Being able to provide for your family using smart math skills can definitely impress the ladies.Buy six pounds of bananas and enjoy. As a bonus, there’s enough potassium to prevent you from having one of those horrible charlie horse muscle spasms. You’ll eat healthy and feel great.
Dollar Store Raisin Bran, Milk, and Walmart Brand Laxative
If you need a fast and easy way to feel full, cleanse your soul, and perhaps shed some weight, here’s a simple idea: grab a cheap box of raisin bran, a small carton of milk, and Equate’s Cherry flavored laxative. While it’s not a genuine diet plan, you can still pretend it is. Pour your cereal into the milk carton, take a dose of the laxatives, and enjoy your breakfast. Just wait a bit for it to take effect. If the effects last throughout the day, you might consider asking the liquor store for some wine corks. You know where they go.
Hot Sausage, Cheapo Sauce, and Reject Spaghetti
Living on a budget is tough. Go to the gas station and look for the red hot Firecracker sausages. They’re usually two for $1. Buy two of those, a box of dollar store spaghetti, and dollar store sauce. Heat the sausages on a skillet, microwave, or just breathe on them really hard if you’re a heathen. Cook the spaghetti and sauce as per the directions on the box. Slice up the sausages and mix them into your finely tuned Italian meal. Enjoy!
Hot Dogs with Unlimited Chili and Cheese and a Dollar for the Junkie Outside
If you’re familiar with 7-11 stores, you might know they sometimes offer two hot dogs for $2, along with unlimited chili and cheese at their self-serve stations. Here’s a tip: buy the hot dogs but save them for later by taking them out of the container and putting them in your pocket. Fill the containers with chili and cheese to enjoy later. Then, with the remaining dollar or change, consider giving it to someone in need, like a homeless person outside the store. It’s a kind gesture, and you might hope they’ll use it positively. Afterward, make sure to wash your hands before eating the hot dogs you saved in your pocket. Hopefully, the sink at the 7-11 works—though it seems to be broken whenever I visit. It’s always good to wash your hands after handling money, especially in such situations.
If you’re really considering trying any of these horrible food concoctions, then just remember – you’re on your own and try them at your own risk. We assume no responsibility for anything you do.
However, if you want to share them with a friend, then that would be hilarious. At least you can joke about it as you sip on your fine wine and real food.
But remember, never underestimate the power of Ramen. You know we all survived on Ramen Noodles!!
This can be you.
