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Glitter on Your Dog’s Testicles is Now a Thing, Apparently..


Glitter on Your Dog’s Testicles is Now a Thing, Apparently..

Glitter on Your Dog’s Testicles is Now a Thing, Apparently..

Made with edible glitter and applied with corn syrup. What could go wrong? Those are some sweet balls, but do dogs really need a new reason to, um… you know. Because he can.

Is this only available for dogs? Asking for a friend…

Some folks are calling this scrotal decoration animal cruelty but I think the only thing being hurt is these dogs’ pride. As if this dog isn’t embarrassed enough with the trim on the feet? I’ve heard of blueballs, but this is taking it a bit far. I have seen so many things in this career. Very few things surprise me.

Yet here I sit looking at glitter dog balls. 😂 Applied using corn syrup and edible glitter. Those are some nice, glittery, tasty balls. Just trying to think like a positive dog. Oh, who am I kidding? Dogs must hate this.

If this isn’t proof that the economy is doing well, I don’t know what is – because people now have the time and money to stop playing with their own balls and focus on doggy balls. Bob Barker always said to have your male dogs neutered, but I guess the price is right for these people to celebrate Fido’s and Max’s orphans. Cajones. Dogsacks.

But back to the glitter balls: The “trend” first hit wide public awareness after being shared on the Royal Paws Pet Salon Facebook page, who offered this disclaimer:

“Update… Hello everyone, I just want to put this out there. When I posted this I clearly stated in the post that this is something that I did not do as well as I will not be doing this. The post was for my customers that follow my page and was never meant to go viral. What I’m finding very hard to comprehend is the death threats that I received my business phone that has been ringing off the hook all day with vulgar language as well as people that want to play on the phone. Also, for people to go and write negative reviews about my business that I work very hard for.

I offer my services in the community for people that have problems affording grooming, I have groomed for rescues for free to give a dog a better chance to get a home, I’ve assisted in puppy mill bust etc I really lost my faith in people after this. As many serious things that are going on in the world we should focus on more of helping not hurting people as well as animals. I will not for the life of me understand why some people would be so malicious to try and destroy a business because they lack reading comprehension skills.

I just thought I would let everybody know the latest creative grooming trend is glitter balls! Please know that I love doing creative but, I will NOT be doing this. Posting for your entertainment.

Trend?! I’ve been doing this since 1998. This was my dogs reaction when I ran the idea by him:

I’m with ya Max and don’t worry, your balls are safe.

We’ve been at the top of the food chain for too long. Somebody hurry up and invent, then piss off, artificial intelligence. Humans have become the animal kingdom equivalent of a foppish, ridiculously bewigged French noble whose diet is mostly foie gras and whose hobbies include pretending to be poor and… decorating his poodle’s balls. There’s actually absolutely nothing more foppish and French than glittering a poodle’s balls.

This is the type of thing that’s so unnecessarily extravagant that when the working class sees it they start getting an urge to cut off the heads of the rich. But back to the schvetty, sweet, glittery dog balls:

The glitter, which is edible, is applied to the dog’s um… scrotums with corn syrup (sugar). It’s not dangerous for the dogs, who’ve licked far worse things than their own balls and sugar.

I mean, Max is insatiable: Check out what was waiting for me when I came home early Monday afternoon?

I swear, the cat just looked up at me and said; ‘what?’..

So I went to lunch and didn’t mention it again.  However, yesterday, Max reminded me that he doesn’t need glitter on his nuts to attract a little… um, pussycat. Where does he get this stuff?


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1 Comment

1 Comment

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